Wholehearted Resurrection

# I didn’t post this on Easter Monday.

I got stuck—between perfection and grace.

I was trying to line up the right photos, write the right words… and got caught.

Caught in that familiar space between polishing and just showing up real.

This morning’s prayer from the National Cathedral helped name it.

The reading was from John 21—Jesus on the shore, disciples fishing, Peter jumping in the water when he realizes it’s Jesus.

What struck me most?

Peter is called **Simon Peter**.

Not just Simon. Not just Peter. **Simon Peter.**

> “There are many times when we’re caught between who we were and who we’ve been called to be… jumping back and forth between the two.”

> —Canon Leonard Hamlin

That’s where I’ve been.

Caught between the old fearful self and the grounded, loving, self-aware man I’m becoming.

Between performance and presence.

Between needing approval and knowing I’m already beloved.

I had my own kind of death last summer.

The kind you don’t always talk about in church.

But something in me let go—or was let go.

And I’m still learning how to live from what was left behind… and what was *left alive*.

> “Fear, hypocrisy, and hatred—these three hounds of hell that track the trail of the disinherited—need have no dominion over them. Because of his spirit. Because of his presence.”

> —Howard Thurman

I keep coming back to Brené Brown’s words—about the *gifts of imperfection*.

Showing up as your whole self, even when your voice shakes.

Even when your bookshelf is full of unread wisdom.

Even when your post isn’t perfect.

So here it is—my not-so-perfect post.

One goofy, wholehearted family photo at a time.

One small resurrection at a time.

This idea of *wholeheartedness* is rising again in our family, our farming, and our faith.

We’re even dusting off our old YouTube channel:

🎥 [Wholehearted Family on YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/@headleyflowerfarm)

We’ve also just launched our Patreon:

🙏 [patreon.com/mattheadley](https://www.patreon.com/mattheadley)

If you're feeling caught in between, you're not alone.

Resurrection isn't just a moment—it's a journey.

🕊️ [Watch the Cathedral reflection here](https://youtu.be/5Io9Sxw4XYo)

📖 [Read more reflections on our blog](https://www.headleyflowerfarm.com/blog)